Otherworldly
by Bunny Chaps
Summary: In a world where souls can be reborn, there is a hope that one day the royal family will be reborn and brought back into power. As it's said, when things seem too good to be true, something always tends to go wrong. In this case, a full out war ensues. (AU SasuxSaku)
1. Prolouge

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own any of the characters from the franchise. I do not own the series, even though the thought is nice. I do however, own this plot, and the original concept behind this plot.

I've decided to come back to the site after many years (/cough. Like eight.) of being away. So, please cut me some slack if I'm not entirely up to par. Haha. I've decided to rework a novel that I am currently working on, into a piece of fanfiction in hopes to get some decent feedback. I've attempted to fix my original characters into more of the characters from the franchise, so please forgive me if they seem a little out of character. (I've based my original characters off of people who I know.)

So, here's an AU of the Naruto universe, with different twists and turns around each corner. All characters are in their early 20's, and yes, they're just about all in college.

* * *

He looks so peaceful while he's sleeping, and that's why I didn't have the heart to wake him up.

I gingerly climbed out of the full sized bed that he and I had been sharing, grabbing my black bra and his large black button down shirt off the floor and putting them on in an effort to get ready for my long day of classes. Normally, I would wake him up and he, my best friend and roommate Ino, and I would all head off to the campus together since we all had about the same schedule for the day, as well as sharing our first class together. But I didn't have the heart to wake him up after seeing him stumble into the apartment that I share with Ino at three in the morning exhausted from having to take a longer than normal shift at his job. Even though in his exhausted state he went on a very tangent (which was surprising for him, being a man of few words) on how I needed to be sure to get him up this morning, because he did not want to miss my big presentation in our English class that I had been working on for the past couple of months.

I heard Ino exit her room and head to our kitchen to make the two of us our morning coffee as I threw on a pair of underwear and navy blue skinny jeans. Finishing up putting on my makeup and fixing my hair, I exited my room to find a cup of coffee waiting for me on our small kitchen table as well as a fresh plain bagel with cream cheese.

"Forehead, you've skipped one too many breakfasts and I'm not going to let you skip the one right before your big presentation." Ino said while taking a bite out of her own bagel. "You need something in you. For someone who wants to become a doctor, you sure don't take very good care of yourself."

"Thanks." I muttered, sitting down.

"Are you just going to let him sleep in?" she asked, motioning towards my bedroom.

"That I am."

"He really needs to stop stumbling in here during the night at those goddamn ungodly hours." Ino began, throwing a glare at my bedroom door in annoyance. "I understand that he works and it's easier for the three of us to all do the commute to campus together, but he really has no respect for anyone in this apartment when he just waltzes in here whenever he damn pleases and makes a mess out of everything."

"I'm sorry," I quietly said, looking down at my feet and gripping my hands together. "I'll say something to him about it again later. You know how he is."

Noticing my discomfort, Ino reached over and grabbed one of my hands, giving it a light squeeze and me a huge smile. "It isn't your fault, forehead. You did nothing wrong. He's just an inconsiderate asshole when it comes to certain things. Most men are. If you need me to say something to him I will because I know he refuses to listen to you when it comes to life choices. I don't know how you deal with such a stubborn asshole sometimes!"

"Thank you," I mumbled, unconsciously gripping her hand harder. "He grows on you after awhile."

"He grows in other ways as well, from what I heard the two of you doing the other night," she said, wiggling her eyebrows as I felt my face heat up. "Well, since the asshole is sleeping in today, we actually can leave on time for once and get some relatively good parking on campus since he's not going to be so insistent on driving us in that death trap of a car of his. At least we won't be late today." Ino said as she stood up and picked up my car keys. "So, why don't we get going now if you're ready?"

"That's fine!" I said a little too quickly. "Why are we taking my car when we could just take his and kill the rest of his gas?"

Ino laughed at my statement, knowing I was trying to find some humor in what I found to be in my mind, an awkward situation. "I know for a fact that you just filled up your car and have a full tank of gas and I really don't want to have to deal with him screaming later on how I took his car without asking him. Plus, I really don't want to die this morning even though I drive his car better than he ever will."

I smiled. "Alright, that's fair enough. You can drive. I'm not really feeling too up to it. My mind is elsewhere."

"I figured as much."

The drive to our college campus seemed to go by quicker than usual. I don't know if it was because I didn't have to listen to the constant bickering between the two of them about what a terrible driver the other one thought that the one driving the vehicle was, or if it was because we actually left at a decent time for once and didn't hit the amount of traffic that we usually ended up hitting. Either way, our usual twenty minute commute ended up being a ten minute commute, but that is also taking into consideration how Ino drives since she tends to have more of an idea of what she's doing behind the wheel than my boyfriend does and has much better control over a vehicle. Regardless, we reached the campus with surprisingly plenty of time to spare and we got good parking, which was also pretty surprising considering the amount of people who went here.

"Are you ready for your presentation?" Ino asked me as we began our walk towards our building.

"I don't think I'm ever going to be ready for it."

"Why do you say that?"

"I feel as though I could be more prepared. You know how Kakashi-sensei is. He always likes to ask the most random of questions that you are never prepared for."

"Oh stop it! You're going to be absolutely fine. There is no way in hell that you are going to fail this presentation after all the work you've put into this. Kakashi-sensei might be a total asshole that never even bothers to show up on time half the time, but even he isn't dumb enough to realize that even though this is just a regular English class, this is something that you are super passionate about and that this is something that you really enjoy studying. If he gives you a bad grade on this I'm going to go and march right up to his office and give that jerk a piece of my mind because clearly he must either have some sort of brain damage or something severely wrong with his eyes and ears if he doesn't see and comprehend this."

As we walked into the classroom, I shoved my hands into my pockets. "I just feel as though everything that I've managed to find is just at this point common knowledge."

"I'm sure that's not the case, forehead. You'd be surprised how many idiots there truly are in this world," she said as we took our usual seats.

"Good morning class! I hope those of you who are presenting today have come prepared. With the amount of time you have all received for your research, I have the highest expectations out of all of you. Who wants to begin today?" Kakashi-sensei announced as he walked into the room.

I took a sharp breath in as I felt Ino grip my hand for the second time today. "You'll be fine, Sakura," she said quietly. "The sooner you get it done, the quicker it will be over and done with and then you won't have to worry about it anymore."

"Nicely stated, Miss Yamanaka!" he said loudly, obviously hearing her soft words of encouragement to me. "Miss Haruno, I have been looking forward to hearing your research about your findings in the found texts on the royal family. Why don't you begin today? I am interested in seeing if what I have overheard your friends saying has been true about the amount of time you have put into this. Hopefully you won't disappoint me like others have done in the past when I've given them this topic."

I took another breath in and stood up, making my way to the front of the room. "Well sir, the one thing that everyone knows about me in comparison to others is that I put my all into whatever it is that I have to do. I think that this topic is something that everyone needs to be well informed about because even though it was a past incident, it is still a current issue and even still a current happening. I personally do not understand why someone would not care about what is going on in our government, because it will end up affecting them one day, if it is not already. Obviously, whoever you gave this topic to in the past, pardon my language, clearly did not give a shit."

"That was nicely stated Miss Haruno. Now, if you don't mind, you can begin."

Pulling out my paper, I looked up at the class and noticed Ino giving me a small nod of reassurance. I took a deep breath in and began. "The last known piece of text dating back to the royal families rule was a letter. It was with this letter, the royal family ended up meeting their demise. This letter was written from the princess to her old lover. Within this letter, the princess explained to her old lover that all ties had to be cut between them. Not because she did not love this person, because she loved this person with all of her heart and soul, but because it was something that she had to do for her family, and for the people that she was to soon govern alongside the prince, who at the time she had also fallen in love with. This is not to say that the princess never loved the prince, who she had been betrothed to for her entire life. That would be a false statement. History shows us over and over again throughout all of the known and found journals, letters, and even books written throughout that period in time that the princess and the prince truly did have one of those fairytale love stories."

I looked up, catching Ino's eye as I noticed how interested the class looked so far in what little I had begun to tell them.

"Miss Haruno?" my professor said, cutting me off.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Before you continue, you would not happen to have a copy of that letter that you would not mind reading to the class, would you?"

"I do have a copy," I began, ruffling through some scattered papers inside of my binder trying to locate what information I did have. "But I was unable to translate it from the ancient language that it was written in. I also was unable to find any type of translation device anywhere either. It seems as though all prior information has literally vanished. It almost seems as though someone does not want anyone knowing what was being said here."

"Thank you Miss Haruno. You may continue with your presentation."

Silently sighing, I placed the papers back into my binder and proceeded to take a seat on the stool in the front of the room, the realization hitting me that this was going to end up taking much longer than I had been hoping that it would. Regardless of the amount of research I have done, I was hoping to be able to get away with the possibility that he would ask me for a brief overview and specific points and a couple of details to support my findings. The only reason he would be this intrigued I feel is if he either has something hidden away up his sleeve, which would not surprise me.

"All we know is that after this letter was sent, the royal family and all that resided within their court had been massacred by the princess' prior lover. It is also known at this point that even though it has been many centuries, the souls that were lost that day have yet to be reborn. This has puzzled many scholars and many people who have been working on recording each soul rebirth, because the memories should have already appeared to those who are the reborn court. Also, it is against protocol and against our laws to go around just testing civilians who could possibly match up with some of the possible traits or markers that the prince and princess had. It is also against protocol to go around to every couple that matches their markers and forcibly bring their past memories back to the surface to see who they were in their past lives. With this being said, if one person has reported that their memories have returned, and has gone through our protocol and it is proven that they were part of the royal court, then it can be said that the rest of the souls that were lost on that fateful day have also returned."

Ino raised her hand halfway and I proceeded to give her a quick nod as our professor groaned. "With the genetic markers, what are they exactly looking for in each couple? Also, do you know if anyone has made any type of reports about this?"

"What is known about the princess is that she had green eyes. The significance of the fact is because of how uncommon that eye color is. If you look around the room, you will notice that more than half of the people here have brown eyes. Then there will be more than a few of us here that have blue eyes, and maybe one or two of us that have green. As someone who studies science, you should know that green eyes can be quite a rarity. Not too much has been released about the prince, and for that reason I am not too sure of. There is more information about the princess than there is him."

"You have green eyes, Sakura."

"That is true, as well as it being a nice observation." I said as I raised an eyebrow at her, wondering why she was deciding now of all times to be a pain in the ass.

"So maybe your asshole of a boyfriend could be a part of this royal family as well, being that no one really knows too much about him other than the fact he comes from a butt-load of money."

"That is also a nice observation, Ino. What are you getting at?" I said, throwing her a look while trying to ignore her obvious train of thought, which I also figured at this point, was an obvious train of thought that was circulating throughout the classroom.

Kakashi-sensei held up a finger to silence our banter. "Miss Haruno, have any of the documents that you have gone over stated what would happen if it was to be found and proven that the souls of those lost that day have finally been reborn? Would they be reinstated back into power or would we leave society the way that it is today?"

"Recent articles and journals have stated that if in the case that the royal family has been proven to return, that our society would reinstate them to power. That is one of the reasons that the palace that they resided in during their reign has been preserved now for all of these centuries. The way our society was built and even how it is still running today is because of what that family had instilled and what laws they had made while they were in power, and we owe a lot to them. During their reign was the time that everything was at its highest. Because of how times have obviously changed over the years, it would be most beneficial to our society if they were put right back into power since one of the many great skills that they had was adaptation."

"How sure of you that this information is correct?" he asked me, raising an eyebrow.

I sighed, recounting many night's lost sleep that were spent going over countless texts and sources looking for even the most simple of answers. I double checked, triple checked, and even checked every single piece of information that I was able to find up to five or six times, even putting them side by side for comparison to see if everything in them matched up in the timeline that I was making for myself of who did what and where it all occurred. Even though there is a lot known about this family, there was still so much left out of the common person's knowledge back all those years ago that they either wanted to keep out of the public's eye, or the political business that was going on between them and others. It was not until that fateful night that I had ended up finding the missing link that ended up tying everything together that everything ended up making sense. I screamed so loud I thought Ino was going to end up killing me since it was _"five in the fucking morning and we have to get up for school in less than three hours."_

"I'm pretty positive that all of my findings are accurate, sir. I did not leave anything up for question before I put it all together."

"I see," Kakashi-sensei drawled out, tapping his pen against the desk he was leaning on, looking very lost in thought. "Speaking of your significant other, where is he today? It is not like him to miss class, and I would not assume he would purposely miss today's class of all days."

"He wasn't feeling too well this morning," I lied. "I can always let him read the final copy of my research when he's feeling better and has a good amount of time to devote to actually reading it."

"Sakura, when have you ever seen that boy pick up an actual book? Like, one that doesn't have pictures in it that's actually real literature?" Ino cut in, sounding annoyed at the mere mention of my boyfriend. "Let alone actually read something that was not on a computer screen. For all we know he could be sitting there reading about those stupid online games that he likes to waste all of his leftover free time on instead of being a productive member of society like the rest of us. All that kid does is come over to our apartment and mooch our wifi because ours is better than the one at his parents' house because his stupid gamer friends all like to go over there and hook up whatever they got their hands on to it. He eats all of our food and acts like he owns the damn place the way he parades himself in at ungodly hours of the night. That kid seriously makes me worry for the people in our generation of today."

"That will be enough out of you, Miss Yamanaka. Miss Haruno, before I ask you to take your seat, I do have one final question for you. Have there been any sort of recent developments or findings that the royal families' souls have been reborn into today's world?"

"Evidence has been pointing in the direction that they have indeed returned, since from the few things that I have been able to find, there have been a couple of reports that have been confirmed. The names of those have not been released because of course obvious reasons, but then our government would also be breaking protocol by intervening with the other peoples' lives that they are surrounded with to see who else from their families or friends is also part of the royal court. What is frustrating about this though is that time is of the essence when it comes to certain factors, which we are all aware of. This means that we can only hope for the best if that is the case, and hope that the rest of those who died that day, that their memories return to them soon, or else we're all doomed," I stated this solemnly, looking down at the ground shuffling my feet in an awkward manner.

"That is very understandable Miss Haruno. You may take your seat. Thank you." He said while the entire room started clapping.

"We can only hope for the best." I said quietly with Ino placing her hand on my shoulder while I proceeded to take my seat.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own any of the characters associated with the franchise. I do not own the series, even though the thought is indeed nice. I do however, own this plot, and the original concept behind this plot.

I am SO SO SO sorry about the delayed update on this. School and life ended up getting in the way but this has been quite a few months in progress chapter. Of course, as a reminder, this is a different take (meaning Naruto universe) on the novel I'm currently working on, so all positive feedback and constructive criticism is welcome. Also a reminder that this is AU and the characters are a bit OC just because they're being based off of my own.

Also as an apology there is some smut in this chapter.

* * *

I don't know how we managed to get from his car to the kitchen in our state of bliss, but we somehow managed to pull it off while managing to never lose any type of bodily contact. When we got inside, it was pitch black since we hadn't thought to leave a light on before we originally went out to our spot in the nature preserve just to get some time alone. But there was enough light shining in through the kitchen windows that I could see that he was leaning against the kitchen sink with half a smirk on his face. His long, pale, lean legs were extended out from his body in front of him and his hands were both resting on either side of him on the counter. He looked up at me, noticing that I was taking in the mere sight of him, growing hungrier for his touch by the second. I drifted over to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him down onto the floor with me, interlocking my fingers with his much longer ones on the descent down.

"Where were we?" I asked softly, placing a soft kiss on the back of his much larger hand.

Without even looking at him, I could feel the grin radiating off of him. "I was going to tell you something serious at some point, but you ended up distracting my thoughts with those gorgeous eyes of yours, and then I noticed your lips and then all I could think about was how mine felt against them." He used his free hand to open up one of the cabinets underneath the counter to pull out a bottle of alcohol. I glanced at the label, noticing that he pulled out my favorite flavor of vodka (whipped to be exact). He popped the bottle open and proceeded to take a swig straight from the bottle.

"Not going to even bother mixing it?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I don't see a reason to. I don't even care at this point." He said as he took another long gulp.

"What changed from your cheerful persona before? Hey! Are you _trying_ to get yourself drunk?"

"No," He responded. "You know me; I don't like to drink alone. I was hoping that maybe you would consider possibly joining me on this magical adventure. I think it would make the night a lot more fun for the both of us."

"I thought we were going to have fun together when we went to the preserve. But, we ended up cutting that short so we could go meet up with everyone at the club to have a night of fun with everyone and not just with ourselves. What was the point of even bothering going out then if we were just going to end up alone back here? So, are you telling me that you seriously had us leave the club that we were at with all of our friends just to come back here and get drunk when we could have been drunk idiots in public for once?" I questioned. He had a tendency of being anti-social, but not to this extreme.

"Yes. Your assumption is correct. I also wanted you to distract me."

"Distract you from what, our idiotic friends drunkenly grinding on each other? Our idiotic friends making a mess of themselves in public instead of behind closed doors? You love watching them make fools out of themselves. You've said it yourself that it's why you even agree to go out with everyone these days."

"No. I wanted you to distract me from the jumbled thoughts within my own head. My parents called earlier, and they have informed me that Grammy is really sick. They've taken her to the hospital. I'm scared, Sakura. I can't lose her. She's the only sane person left in my family. She keeps me grounded. She keeps everyone grounded when it turns to chaos. I can't live in a world full of constant chaos."

My expression became solemn as I looked over at the boy who was sinking into himself and now suddenly reminding me of the outcast I remember finding his fifteen year old self to be in before I reached out to him. "Oh my…Sasuke…I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me sooner? I wouldn't have suggested that we join everyone tonight. We could have just stayed in or just stayed by ourselves at the preserve."

He shrugged. "I didn't want to ruin your rare fun night out with your friends. You put too much stress on yourself with school and it makes me happy seeing you enjoying yourself for once instead of having your nose buried in a book." He shook his head as he looked down at the ground. "But, do you want to know what's worse? My parents are refusing to tell me much of anything. They are telling me that they don't want me to come home tonight, or even go to her. They want me to focus on school and work. How can I do anything when the woman who has been my sanctuary for so many years is failing, and there is nothing that I can do? Why the fuck won't they let me do anything! Fuck!"

"Fuck," I said, gripping onto his hand harder. "I'm so sorry babe. I'm so sorry."

I felt the bottle of vodka get pressed into my hands. "Come on Sakura, let's get absolutely shitfaced tonight." He wrapped his arm around me pulled me into his chest, kissing me. I could taste the alcohol on his lips as my tongue quickly grazed them.

"I don't think that this is a good idea. You shouldn't drink your feelings. You shouldn't do something you are going to end up regretting later. Don't numb your feelings." I told him, but I already knew I was going to do it with him.

"It's an awful idea." He agreed. "But, I honestly don't give a single fuck about anything right now except for you and this bottle in my hand."

I raised the bottle to my lips and took a long gulp from it. "Ugh, this tastes awful straight." I remembered why I didn't drink any alcohol straight and always mixed it with something. I hated the way it felt going down my throat without something more thick and sweet to go with it.

"You are so lucky that you have a place that you can call your own." He said in a barely audible whisper.

"You tend to forget that Ino lives here as well," I reminded him. "It's not just my place, even though a good portion of the time, I wish it was. It would be nice to come home one day and not have to listen to her complain about you, or school, or some random thing that has no relevance to my life. She always seems miserable about something. But, such is life."

"I wish it was _our_ place instead of yours and Ino's," he said softly. "I hate it when she's here. She's such a cock block. Sometimes I think that she enjoys making me miserable."

I bit my lower lip, thinking of a way to quickly cheer him up and get himself out of his head even for just a moment. "Hey babe, would you like the tour of our new apartment now that we've finally moved in?" I asked him with a hint of lust in my voice.

He grunted, knowing exactly where I was heading with this. "Yes." He said as he stood and held his hand out to pull me up off the ground as well.

"This is the kitchen." I said as I motioned around the room we were currently in. "Here's where you make the coffee every morning and don't get mad at me when I take the first cup."

"Don't worry baby, I won't come in between you and your coffee addiction," he laughed.

"This is the living room." I said as we made our way out of the kitchen. "Here's where we watch movies and verse each other in video games when we're finished with our homework or want to take a break from life." I said, motioning towards the magnitude of gaming consoles that Ino and I had.

"I don't know how you managed to convince her to allow you to keep all of these here."

"Mario Kart, that's why. Also, I have a Legend of Zelda addiction. Nothing is coming in between me and some Wind Waker."

We both started laughing because we both knew how true that statement was.

"Come on." I said as we started walking down the hallway. "Bathroom. Happily, we got lucky and got one of the units here with both a tub and a shower." I said as I pointed at a cracked door. "Guest room." I said as we walked past Ino's room, not wanting to even bother keeping up some sort of charade because we both knew Ino would kill him if she knew that he had even looked at the inside of her bedroom.

"For when our parents decide to come and visit us, right?"

"Of course," I went along. "I don't think my mom would appreciate having to sleep on the pull out couch, even though it is super comfortable."

"Or maybe if a little one happens to come along."

"Don't get your hopes up, Sasuke. I still have way more school that I need to get through in order to have a successful carrier. Maybe once I become a doctor, and you become a head network administrator, and we both have extremely stable incomes, we can talk about that. But for now, let's just see what the future holds for us."

Sasuke rolled his eyes with a smirk on his face. "You couldn't go with it, could you?"

"Of course not!" I laughed. "I'm just as bad as you are when it comes to thinking way too analytically and logically. Now, do you want to see our bedroom, or are you just going to continue to stand there?"

I grabbed his hand and dragged him towards my bedroom. I have the larger bedroom between Ino and myself, and that was because I was the one who got the place to begin with after looking for months for something good, and I wasn't going to let her take control over who got the bigger room. We walked into my bedroom to see my usual cluttered desk and a combination of mine and Sasuke's clothes thrown about the place. Even though it wasn't our room, it sure felt like it was our room.

"We sure do have a nice place," he whispered in my ear.

"That we do," I replied and I saw him take a deep breath and another swig from the bottle. I grabbed the bottle from him and took another long gulp from it myself before I set it on the back of my dresser in hopes that it would end up being forgotten about.

"I wish it was actually ours though."

Sasuke guided me over towards my bed as we both sat down on the edge of it. I took in the horrible mess that was my room as I noticed him staring at me.

"Sakura, are you drunk?" He asked, finally noticing that I no longer held the bottle in my hands.

"No," I replied. Even though I don't drink as frequently as he does, I've learned from past drinking experiences with him that it for some reason takes a lot more to get me drunk than it does him. "But I'm starting to slowly feel the alcohol creep up on me."

"Good. I want you to feel good like I do right now. I don't want you to feel left out of this feeling that I'm experiencing." Sasuke said as he pulled me and him up more onto the bed, climbing on top of me as he did so. I gasped as he leaned down and pressed his lips softly against my neck. His hot breath sent a chill down my spine, and I felt myself get goose bumps from the wave of pleasure that shot through me. "Sakura," he whispered huskily into my ear. "You need to know that if I stay here with you tonight and listen to my parents and not go home, not only am I going to rip off all of your clothes, I am going to slowly kiss every inch of your body until you are begging for me to be inside of you. Once I've finished, I am going to bury myself so deep inside of you, and I am going to fuck you raw. You will not be able to sit in class, or anywhere for that matter, without thinking of my cock being buried deep inside of you, giving you the pleasure that most people could only dream of."

"Sasuke…What…what are you saying you want to do…?"

"I want to fuck you so hard," Sasuke growled as the words slipped from his lips and my eyes widened. "I want to fuck you so hard baby. I want to show you how much I…ugh. I want to make you feel like a fucking queen baby; the queen that you deserve to be treated as."

As much as it was one of those rare nights that I actually wanted to say no to him, I knew that I couldn't refuse him. I knew that he needed my help dealing with his mixed up emotions and the pain that he was currently feeling. He couldn't possibly be able to handle or even accept the rejection in his state of mind right now. He would lose it. I was scared what he would end up doing to himself if he felt that I was rejecting him as well. I know that he needs my help burying, at least for the night, the thoughts of his crazy family and just let him work it all out in his head.

"Sasuke …" I ran my fingers up from his back to his head and interlaced them into his hair, pulling him close so he could look me in the eyes. "Hun, what are you trying to tell me?"

Sasuke looked down at my flushed and awkward self just lying there beneath him. My pink hair splattered messily beneath me and a blush that at this point I couldn't even bother attempting to hide from him, because I knew he'd just pry my hands away from my face regardless. I stared up at him, with my emerald green eyes meeting his onyx ones . For once, I couldn't read him. Everything seemed too confusing that my brain just couldn't put the pieces together. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he was getting at, and with that I began to get that slight worry in the pit of my stomach which always tended to come on a little too quickly.

"Sakura, I know that I don't tell you this enough, but I love you. I love you so much," he said as he stroked my hair. "And I'm sorry that you don't hear those words enough. You deserve to hear them more. I'm such an asshole, and I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry. You are the ray of light that is keeping me from completely succumbing to the darkness that is my mind. You are the main reason that I do what I do. I live for your smile, and knowing that I'm the only one who can make you genuinely laugh always makes my day so much brighter. Fuck baby, I love you. I really fucking love you, and I'm really fucking sorry that you don't hear that enough. Fuck!"

My mouth opened slightly as I was rendered speechless. Is this what had been bothering him this whole time, besides his current issue? The complicated thing about our current situation was that I couldn't tell him that I only thought he was saying this to me because he was in an emotional form of distress from what was currently going on in his life as of right now. But regardless, I lifted my head up off of the bed and kissed him softly as a silent thank you.

He had told me some of his innermost thoughts and conflictions and I wasn't running or openly rejecting him. I wasn't leaving him like I'm pretty sure he assumed I was. I didn't tell him to get out and then proceed to slam the door behind him and put as much distance between us as humanly possible because of my fear of him taking out his family issues on me like he had done a couple times in the past.

I felt him put more of his weight on top of me as he opened his mouth to mold it with mine. I could taste the vodka that he had been downing before, along with faint taste of the wine coolers that he had at the club earlier that evening. I could tell he had a little too much alcohol in him, but at this point, I just wanted to love him the way he needed to be loved right now.

"Sasuke…" I whispered, enjoying this new feeling of him on top of me. It wasn't like all the other times when we had sex. This felt totally different. There was a feeling of longing that I hadn't truly experienced with him before. It wasn't lust. It wasn't a depriving type of thing.

It felt like we just found each other again after not seeing each other for the longest of times.

His body grounded me, pulling my head down off of the clouds it was slowly rising up into. My heart was racing, threatening to explode out of my chest at any given moment.

He loved me.

He really, truly loved me.

And for some reason, it meant more to me now, than it did all those years ago when the words first escaped his lips after a party we both had attended with our friends.

Sasuke Uchiha had just admitted out loud to me that he loved me and fuck, if I didn't like hearing him actually say those words and truly mean them the way he was at this current moment, I would be lying to myself. Right now though ,our situation was … complicated, but there was no way that I was going to ruin the moment right now with logic to pull him back to reality. Not tonight, at least. I couldn't make myself push him away, leave my bed and just go crawl into Ino's and hope she didn't kill me when she got home in the morning. We have too much history together. We have been through so much, and I couldn't let logic and reality ruin this moment between us. I needed to share this with him, this intimacy that I never thought we would experience until we were older, as we currently lay fully clothed still on my bed, with our lips barely touching.

Sasuke ran his large hands up my sides, feeling me press my chest against him as he moved along my body, somehow hitting what felt to be all of the right spots up and down my sides that just sent me into more of a state of bliss than I thought I could be in. I could tell from the way he was breathing that he couldn't believe we were actually doing this right now. I knew that he couldn't believe we were still here and that I still hadn't run away from him.

My hands rested themselves on the bottom of his shirt. I knew that I was feeling ridiculous for being so nervous right now, but I knew that this…this was going to be different than all of the other times we had sex. Sasuke had not only seen, but he had touched and tasted every inch of my body that he was able to place his lips on. Tonight was definitely different, and the both of us knew it, even though we didn't bother to say it out loud.

Sasuke lifted his body from mine as I pulled his shirt over his head in one swift motion. I met his eyes as I threw the damn thing across the room, but what I was met with was a type of desire I hadn't seen before. He looped his thumbs under each side of my shirt as I let out a surprised gasp. He slowly exposed my stomach inch by inch, and I shivered from the contact of the air. He ignored my slight unintentional whine as he finally after what felt like forever, lifted my shift over my head, exposing my lacy black bra that I had just bought a few days ago.

"I always forget you have this pierced." He joked, playing with my belly button ring. "It's like a surprise every single I see you though, and I love that. I love that you have that ability to constantly surprise me."

Sasuke leaned down again, and I felt his soft skin barely touch my own. My body shivered against his touch as his hand began to roam upwards. His lips lightly grazed my neck and I gasped as he licked and bit at the spot that he knew always made me go absolutely crazy.

I moved my hands down Sasuke's bare chest as he lightly sucked at the pulse point on my neck. I found myself starting to undo his jeans, but Sasuke pulled back to do it himself. I laughed at his impatience, but then I realized that he was almost completely naked and on top of me and I was desperate to be the same. I felt one of his large hands make its way down my stomach and rest itself on the waistband of my jeans, while the other reached itself behind my back and unclasped my black bra, throwing it to the side of my bed. He slowly pulled my jeans down off of my body, like he was being revealed a secret for the first time and he was wanting to take it all in at that exact moment. After revealing my black, lacy thong that had been a gift from that person who we didn't mention, he ripped that off that of me and also threw it across the room.

"Sasuke!" I hissed. "That was one of my favorite pairs!"

"I don't like her," he whispered into my ear. "I don't like that she bought those for you in hopes that she would be the one taking them off. You are mine, and mine only, and I will replace them with something that I will be removing from your body. Understood?"

I gasped in delight.

I could tell that Sasuke had wanted to take his time. He wanted to be slow…to be seductive. But, I could tell that he was losing control and that he was quickly losing his patience.

He was hard. He was beyond hard, and here I was rubbing my legs against his in order to push him to that breaking limit. I know he wanted this to be something special, something different. I knew that tonight wasn't going to be like every other night, but something in the air had changed. Something within us had changed right at that moment. Something seemed to become more animalistic between the two of us.

He removed his blue and green plaid boxers quickly, tossing them on top of my discarded clothes. His long fingers slid easily inside of me, and I eagerly welcomed him as I sighed at the tiny amount of relief they provided.

"Don't you fucking tease me, Uchiha," I uncharacteristically growled, causing him to laugh.

"I just want to make sure you're ready."

"That's nice, but if you don't hurry up and get inside of me, I'm going to have to take control, and then I am going to have to just go and do it myself."

That was all he needed to hear. He thrust himself, filling me, hissing at the tightness that he was met with. He buried his face within my hair, and I moaned."Yes," I told him. "Oh dear god, Sasuke. Yes!"

I bucked my hips up and into his and he pulled back until just his tip was inside of me. I hissed as my body shifted to accept him. It was a small amount of pain mixing with a large amount of pleasure. I dug my nails into his back. He moaned as I scratched at his skin, knowing that there was going to be visible marks by the time we were finished. He grabbed at my hips, locking eyes with me as he continued to bury himself within me.

"Harder."

Sasuke didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed one of my legs and placed it over his shoulder, and rocked himself against me hard and fast.

I could tell that in this moment, Sasuke no longer cared what was going to happen tomorrow, or next month, or even within the next year.

All I knew was that he needed me right now, and right now I needed him too.

I was breathing hard, panting as he rocked into my and I bucked my hips up to meet his thrusts. The logical part of my mind was far gone; as the only thing that mattered to me right now was that he kept thrusting into me. I moaned as he shifted himself; my senses heightened.

"Sasuke." I moaned as he kissed me.

I tightened around him, feeling the waves of my orgasm pulling him deeper into me. He lasted another couple of thrusts before he was spilling inside of me, his body also violently shaking. He collapsed, and I kissed him softly.

Sasuke rolled off of me and laid on my soft grey sheets. I rested my head on his chest as he wrapped his arm protectively around me.

"Fuck," He was all he said.

I could hear my heart pounding against my chest, and I convinced myself that he could hear it too.

"Does Ino know that I'm here?"

"I don't know. I'm assuming she's just going to assume that you're going to be here." I kissed his chest as his fingers tapped against my back.

"Is she home?"

"If she was, you don't think she would have been screaming at you by now to stop fucking me and let her sleep?"

Sasuke laughed. "This is true."

I yawned and closed my eyes. "Maybe tomorrow morning, I can give you the rest of the tour of our apartment, particularly a better showing of the bathroom, only because I feel sweaty and gross right now."

"Then why don't you show me now?" he asked, with a hint of lust in his voice.

"Because," I started. "Someone overly exhausted me, and I don't think I can feel my legs right now to even walk."

I heard him laugh in his chest. "I'll give it to you. Get some sleep babe."

xxx

"Sakura, it's almost noon. Wake up."

I yawned as I cracked open an eye to check up cell phone. "Holy fuck! Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Someone sounds eager for a second round." Sasuke teased.

I stretched myself and yawned. "Not funny. I can only imagine what this place looks like and if Ino came back and…oh my god…"

"Sakura, relax," Sasuke said as he kissed the side of my mouth. "You don't think she would have barged in here to scream at me if it was bad?"

I sighed. "True."

"Good, now relax. How often is it that you get to sleep in? Enjoy the change of pace, and enjoy yourself for once instead of worrying about everyone and everything else." He said as he started trailing kisses down my neck.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Reminding you what it feels like to relax," he said as he dipped himself underneath the blankets.

"Fuck! Sasuke..." I let out an involuntary moan. "What if…"

"Sasuke! You better not be doing what I think you're doing to my best friend at this god awful hour!"

Sasuke paused, "Oh, fuck me."

And my bedroom door flew open.

I let out a loud shriek and dug myself down under my blankets, hastily pushing Sasuke off of me partly out of embarrassment, and partly out of slight shame.

"Hey, Ino," Sasuke said. "Could you … uh …"

"I will be waiting for in the kitchen once you've decently composed yourself, you little duck haired shit." Ino curtly said and slammed my bedroom door shut.

"Shit!" Sasuke said as he threw the blanket off of him to grab his sweatpants. "Sakura, I'm so sorry."

I stared at him with wide eyes. "She… heard me." I said, horrified. "I was …" I closed my eyes and pulled the blanket up to cover my face that was growing hotter by the second. "Oh my fucking god."

"I'm so sorry, Sakura." Sasuke said as he came over and hugged me tightly, pulling me into his chest. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." I murmured.

"I should go and face her sooner rather than later, don't you think?"

"What you don't want to see dear old Ino? Your most favorite person on the entire planet, after me of course." I awkwardly laughed as he glared at me. "I'm sorry hun, but this is just so incredibly awkward right now, I don't know how to react."

Sasuke walked over to my bedroom door, and I noted to myself that he was still in just his sweatpants. "Where are you going?" I asked him.

"To wash my face." He stuck his tongue out at me and opened my door. "Don't worry, I can take her."

xxx

I knew after that, Ino was going to be standing in the kitchen when Sasuke walked out, and I knew that whatever it was she was going to say to him next was not going to be good. I pressed my ear against my bedroom door to listen. "Did she go back to sleep after you woke her up like that?" Ino asked stoically.

"Yes." Sasuke answered, sounding embarrassed.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing here? Why the fuck aren't you home with your family when they need you?" Ino screamed.

"Because I need her right now!"

"You are so selfish, you do realize that, don't you? All you do is think about yourself, Sasuke. Not everything is about you! I understand that you are in pain, but you need to think about how your family is feeling right now too. You need to be there for them, or else they won't be there for you when you need them."

"What the…"

"No! I know what is going on. We all do. So don't stand there and tell me that I don't know anything. Accept the fact that she is dying Sasuke. Accept it! Accept it and be there with her! Be there with your parents! Your brother! They all need you right now, and here you are at your girlfriends apartment fucking your feelings away."

So much for subtly. "Well … are the graphic details really neccess…" I heard him begin

"Sasuke Uchiha! You know exactly what I am talking about right now."

"I … lov…"

"Stop!" Ino shrieked. "Fucking ball sacks, Sasuke." She sighed. A few minutes passed and I could tell they were awkwardly standing there in complete silence. "You love her?" she asked sounding more annoyed than before, as if she had been hoping that wasn't what he was going to say.

"Yes."

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?"

"Well …"

"WHAT?"

"I don't know what you are expecting for me to say to you right now, Ino."

"Sasuke!" she screamed again. "I am expecting you to grow a pair of balls and stop using my best friend to deal with your feelings right now! I am expecting you to do the right thing by your family!"

"Sakura's not just any girl, Ino! You know that. I … it's complicated in my head right now and you just don't seem to understand that."

"Damn right it's complicated. Do you know what your family is going to say about this when I say something to them? How do you think your grandmother feels by you not being there?"

"You are not saying anything to them," Sasuke said sternly.

"Says who?"

"Says me, and if you have any respect for Sakura you will leave her out of my family business when it involves what we do."

"I am doing this to protect Sakura from your idiot self! I will not let you hurt her!"

"No! I needed someone to make me forget that my family is fucking crazy. She knew that I needed her. She knew that I was not okay last night, and she made that decision not to leave me. Sakura is her own person, which we both know. Sakura could have made the choice to tell me to fuck off last night, Ino, and she didn't. Sakura makes me ... Sakura's … Ino … Sakura's … my everything. She makes me feel okay in my mind, even if it's just for a second."

I pulled away from the door, leaning up against my bedroom wall. Every time these two fight it takes its toll on me in one way or another. I look over at my phone that I had absentmindedly discard on the floor earlier to it lighting up. I reach down and answer it, confused as to why my brother would be calling me so early.

"Gaara, is everything alright? What's going on?"

" _Sakura…Sakura…they found her body. Nyoko's dead."_

* * *

Le gasp! Cliffhanger!

I have a rough copy of the next chapter already put together, so it shouldn't take me too long to edit it and put it on.

Nyoko is an original character that will eventually have plot relevance. Give it some time.

Reviews are always welcome!

Bunny.


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own any of the characters from the franchise. I do not own the series, even though the thought is nice. I do however, own this plot, and the original concept behind this plot.

So uh…this was a long time coming. I've had this drafted for quite some time. This and the aftermath are quite the doozy, so I'm breaking them up so you guys can have things a little bit quicker. Of course as a general reminder that this is an alternative take (and a completely different Naruto universe) on the novel that I'm writing, so all positive feedback and constructive criticism are welcome. Also gentle reminder that my characters will be a bit OC since they're being based off of my own.

For Danielle, who claims she's a bit bored to sleep. Maybe this will help keep you awake for a little while longer. Thank you for giving me the push to continue on with this.

Trigger warning: Talk of suicide.

* * *

Some people say that they think that they will end up living on forever. That they will never die. They call it immortality. They say that immortality is the key to eternal youth. Now, now I'm hoping that those people aren't so sure of themselves anymore.

Today, is just another day that statement has once again been proven wrong, and that it will always be something that is proven wrong no matter who is going to sit there and try to argue it. Immortality is nothing but a lie thought to be wrapped in beautiful sparkling wrapping paper adorned with a bright red floppy bow. The fountain of youth clearly does not exist. There is no magic potion that could be drunk. No anything. Death is real. Death is something that happens, and this is something that everyone needs to face at the end of the day when they rest their heads down on their pillows when they lie down to go to sleep at night.

I could sit here and say the stereotypical things that everyone has already said, or that they have already probably sat there and thought. I could sit here and I could say that I never actually expected myself to be sitting here at her funeral. That I never pictured this coming. That I thought that everything with what I had last heard was going on that she was going to be okay and pull through whatever it was she was going through like she always had. I could say a lot of things.

But truth be told, my mind is at a complete standstill.

Being here, seeing her body in that casket. All thoughts that I had when I walked into here are gone.

I can just hope that she is happier now than she was when she was alive.

" _Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease; I shall possess within the veil, a life of joy and peace_." I picked up on the choir singing Amazing Grace.

How ironic.

I looked over to where her family was sitting in the front, and took notice of her mother clinging onto one of her son's arms, trying to keep the composure she was so well known for having in her family. I honestly can't wrap my head around how she is able to be here, and do this all right now with her youngest child lying dead in a casket in the front of the room, almost as though she was put on an elaborate display for everyone to see.

Like, "Look at us, even though we never showed that we cared about her, we are going to give you guys the impression that we really did."

Something that in the back of my mind I knew that the girl I once considered a friend wouldn't have wanted. She was a very private person, and didn't like anyone really knowing any of her business or anything about her.

I could tell that her mother was trying to be as normal as she could be during this time, ignoring her husband as usual like it had always been described to me in the past. Trying to be the matriarch of her family that she always had been.

I could tell that it was all an act.

I would know. Pain isn't something that one can hide so easily.

Growing up, I have always found it rather unusual for there to be a choir at a funeral service. I have always taken this these as more solemn events. Something that should be handled in silence with the utmost respect for the dead and for the family of the deceased. We aren't here for the big fancy choirs, or the ringing of the bells or any of that. We are here for this person. This person, who lived their life to its fullest in whatever manner that could have been for them, be it big or small. If they accomplished something great, or if they accomplished something minor. This isn't about anyone else but them.

My friend, she had never really spoken about to me or my brother about any form of religious aspects with her or in her families' lives as a whole. All she had really spoken about was having gone through with her confirmation, but after that having nothing more to do with religion or the church in general. I can only guess that it is safe to assume that since her family must have been members at some point of the church, the church had felt that they should somewhat be supportive of the grieving family.

I have never been one for attending funerals. For someone who has accepted that this is something that happen, it just constantly reminds me that death is inevitable and no matter what we try to do, or how far we try to run, it will always catch up with us in the end. Be it by our own hand, the hands of others, or from life itself. I've seen and heard of many people dying over the years because of cancer, dementia, or even just old age. Be it family members, friends of the family, or even those in some of my closest friends' lives. It has always been hard for me to sit there and accept that this has happened, and that another good person who lived a good life had been taken away from their family, and that it wasn't even their choice in the matter. The last time I went to a funeral service for someone this young was when I was in middle school, and someone who I had known who I had cut out of my life for my own selfish reasons at the time had died of suffocation.

I never expected at twenty-two to be attending the funeral for my brothers twenty-four year old ex girlfriend.

Sometimes I hate to openly admit that I stopped attending church services. There had been plenty of Sunday's where if I had just gotten over myself I could have easily gotten my college work done earlier or later. But, I have always ended up putting my schoolwork before everything else in life, and in my mind this was not an exception to that rule.

As I grew up, I began to question religion just like everyone else my age had begun to. My conclusion being that if there was a higher power, then all of the bad things that have happened to me, or to the people who are closest in my life, would not have happened, and things would not be the way that they have turned out.

It saddens me to see how the church has slowly died out over the years, and that the people who are even attending the funeral service aren't even members of the church anymore, but are just there for the family at this point. I'm sitting here wondering if her mother had still possibly attended the services, and sat here alone because her family was too busy, or didn't even wish to attending it with her, and I began to feel worse than I already did.

Maybe, maybe there was more that went on behind the scenes that none of us really knew about. She did only tell us what she wanted us to know. Maybe when she was younger before everything had happened to her, she was different. Maybe she was here with her mother and her father and her family, just like we all did when we were little kids before we grew older and spiteful.

I looked over next to me at Gaara, who had his head buried in his hands, sobbing hysterically as his best friend attempted to comfort him the best that he could. I reached over and grabbed my brother's hand in a feeble attempt to also comfort him, rubbing my thumb up and down in the webbing between his thumb and pointer finger.

We had to face reality. She was gone.

But in retrospect, she had been gone and out of our lives for a long time.

Just seeing her in that coffin made it all the more real. More final.

Noticing that the pastor finally made his way to the pulpit to give the eulogy, I directed my eyes down to the ground out of sheer discomfort. Gaara had been asked by her family to deliver the eulogy, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, claiming that even though he thought he knew her, he really didn't know her at all in the end. He then in a garbled mesh of frantic distorted words asked me if I could do it for him instead. Granted, she and I had been close at one point in time, but things between us had gotten hard at the end. She thought she was all high and mighty and above everyone, and I wasn't having it. I was done with her treating me like a slave, or as she liked to call her, "her personal assistant."

I never appreciated how she treated my brother like a piece of garbage and walked all over him, and in the end I was glad that he finally realized that he was worth more than what she had put him through and that he accepted the ones she had pushed out of his life, back into his life after years of her driving the them apart for her own selfish reasons.

My brother was right in one aspect.

How do you write a eulogy for someone who you thought you knew, but in the end you barely knew at all?

How could you go up in front of a room full of people, just to avoid speaking the truth about someone? How could you go and talk about them when everyone knew that person differently? She put on an act for each of us. I knew her as one person, while my brother knew her in a completely different light.

She drove a wedge between us, telling me one thing and then attempting to manipulate the situation to where he and I couldn't talk. Obviously, that didn't work, and here we are closer than ever.

I'm certain that someone from her family didn't go and give the eulogy for the same reasons that we couldn't. We didn't truly know her for who she was. We knew the girl that she wanted us to know. They knew the girl who they thought was their daughter. The girl she portrayed herself as in front of them in order for them to leave her alone and think she was doing something with her life. She attempted to win over their approval with her successes, but felt as though she failed in the end. She told me that she never felt good enough in their eyes.

Granted, her parents knew her from the day she was born. My brother met her when they were both in middle school. I met her when I was a sophomore in high school. It was clear that we all met and knew her in the different stages of her life with whatever she had been going through. But the answer was clear for us all. We could not write a eulogy for someone who we didn't even know.

I could tell that the pastor didn't have the answer to that question as well, but from my experiences of going to the few funerals that I had attended, I knew damn well he knew how to bullshit this type of thing, because clearly he had plenty of experiences in this before.

"No one wants to have to say goodbye to their daughter, but sometimes God has other plans in store for our precious children," he began. "The weight in the air when the deceased is only twenty-four years old is especially difficult not only for the family, but for those close to her as well. This daughter was not only a beloved and treasured member of her family, but with this congregation as well. I remember when she was just a little girl, running in here with her family even on the bleakest Sunday's, her eagerness showing of what she wanted to learn from the teaching that day. I remember being her teacher when she had made her first communion, and then when she began her confirmation. This daughter was thoughtful, respectful, and dedicated her mind to whatever goals she set forth for herself, and that is something that cannot be forgotten."

Was that who she really was? I looked over at Gaara who was still racked with sobs, assuming that this was all news to him as well. From what I had known from what she had told me, she just tried to do things as a child to keep herself active and to keep herself busy. After her last excursion of "I'm going to prove everyone wrong", I couldn't remember her showing any type of dedication towards anything except getting high, and finding different ways to accomplish that. I couldn't even remember the last conversation she had with me that didn't involve her talking about getting high, and why I chose to remain sober and that "good, clean, sober fun really didn't exist."

"This daughters untimely death brings a shock to us all, but we need to remember what she had been striving for during those last months of her life. She had been working on becoming certified to help the elderly in need. To be the person they could rely on when they thought they had no one to be there for them. She was truly a selfless person."

I snorted louder at that statement than I was hoping to, earning myself a punch in the arm from Gaara. She wasn't being selfless at all. She was trying to prove a point to everyone that she wasn't the massive fuck up that everyone assumed she was. She was doing what she was doing in order to please her family and win over some approval from them. She wasn't selfless at all. She was selfish.

Maybe if she wasn't so selfish, and maybe if she didn't only think about herself and thought about the people that loved and cared about her, she would still be here with us right now. She would have realized the amount of people she would be hurting by doing such a selfish act.

The rage in me said that she took the easy way out instead of dealing with her problems like the rest of us do. It said that she should have called me, reached out to me instead of isolating herself from the world.

The sadness in me said that she was a good person, and that I needed to remember all of the good memories that I had of her.

The part of me that was feeling uncertain, was sitting there hoping that this was just all a bad dream that I would be waking up from relatively soon.

The fear in me played on the fact that if she had reached out to me in the last three weeks of her life, that it was most certain that I would have been the one who found her body that morning. I would have gone downstairs looking for her, and then checked outside to see if she had been smoking a cigarette, and then walked into her garage to find her hanging there. The fear in me knows that I wouldn't know what to do in that moment except to sit there and sob uncontrollably before attempting to call either my mother, or Esmeralda, who I had been close with at the time and who I had known would have attempted to do something in my fucked up state of mind.

The guilt in me told me that I shouldn't have said anything to her family about the shit she was pulling, and that I should have kept my mouth shut. That maybe if I did, she would still be alive right now instead of laying in that coffin. That maybe if I hadn't given up on trying to convince her to stop doing drugs, she wouldn't have continued to go into that downward spiral. That maybe if I hadn't told her brother where she was hiding the drugs, and every last detail of what she had been up to for those months, she wouldn't have gone through what she did. If I kept my mouth shut, she would still be alive.

The final straw that had us completely cutting each other off was a ridiculous fight, in which she had screamed at me over something stupid and told me what a piece of shit I was and I retorted back with some asshole comment and reminded her like an ass that she should be grateful for the amount of times I had kept my mouth shut on her behalf.

I gave up on trying to help her after that.

She stopped reaching out to me, and continued to push everyone out of her life.

I tried to call her once to make amends, to work things out, It wasn't like I'd gotten much of a response.

I find it harder to grieve for someone who you thought you knew, that had left you. Yet I could feel the tears escaping from my eyes that I couldn't find an explanation as to why.

I tried to pay attention as the pastor read a list of her achievements, but I had found myself recounting some of the other things she had done.

Dropout. Manipulator. Liar. Drug addict. Thief. Runaway.

I knew that listening to what the pastor had to say would only make me more frustrated and angry, so I tried to discreetly look around. Some people looked as though they were bored out of their minds. Others were sobbing. Some looked angry, while others looked confused. I could tell though that everyone here was in complete shock.

I decided that it was time for me to get lost in my own head.

Usually I'm able to wrap my head around things easily enough. I have always been able to understand and logically make sense of things. Why they happened. What lead up to the situation happening. All of the who's, what's, where's, when's, why's, and how's. I'm able to usually answer and have it make sense, at least to me anyway. Fuck everyone else.

Last week, a former friend of mine that I was very close with committed suicide. We hadn't spoken in some months. She had gone down a bad path in life, and from what I been told, she was still going down it. There were some other factors that led to us no longer really speaking, but life happens, and sometimes you need to go your separate ways from someone for awhile before reconnecting with them. I knew what was still somewhat going on with her and all that, and I had told myself that I wanted to prove her wrong. I wanted to show her that I could make something of myself, and not be just another one of those losers that she associated herself with. I no longer wanted to be like one of those people who didn't really have a path, or a destination in mind of what they wanted to do in life. So, once she was out of the picture for the first time, I proceeded to get my life together.

Before we went our separate ways, we used to spend a lot of time together, just she and I. She'd always want to spend time with me, and just about every day she would come and pick me up, and either bring me back to her parents' house, or on some "adventure" as we liked to call them. We drove everywhere. It's one of the reasons I actually somewhat gained a sense of direction. During the winter when we would be at her house, she liked to make us hot chocolate. Sometimes she would have me sleep over, and those nights she liked to tuck me into bed with a ton of blankets because she knew that I'm a cold individual. We would play scrabble on those nights, and sometimes they would end up being drunken scrabble when I would actually agree to have a drink with her, the rare occasion that it was. We would drive to the mall some nights and just walk around never really buying anything. Or we would go down to the docks and just admire how beautiful the sunsets would be, or just watch the boats coast through the water.

We got back in touch with each other after a few months of not speaking. She had a stint in rehab, and I informed her of how well I was doing. I was finally fulfilling my dream of going to college. I was making a lot of friends. I basically told her everything positive that was going on. She proceeded to tease me and tell me that hopefully one day I'd find a sweet guy who would appreciate my innocence and sweetness yet finally show me what a good fuck was. She said she hoped that she would be able to 'entrust my care' to him while she wasn't around so he could 'keep a good eye on me'. And yes may I add, I did finally meet that guy. I had met him some time prior to this conversation, but I knew that the drugs had messed with her mind so much at that point that I didn't even bother correcting her.

I could sit here and harbor on all the bad memories that I have of her. How many times she fucked me over. All the bad shit that she's done to me. I could sit here and say that, and just continue to be extremely angry with her, and hope that she burns in hell like the angry asshole in me wants to say. I could sit here and continue having all of this hatred and anger, and continue to blame myself for her death. Blame myself for telling her family all the shit that she was doing when they confronted me on it. I told them about when she ran away to Florida. I told them how she was snorting heroin. And then they got her help, because she was just getting worse as the days went on. Yes, I kept my mouth shut when it came to a lot of things that she did, and I blame myself for that. But I was the only person she really confided in about much of anything, and I didn't want to break her trust. I could sit here and keep blaming myself for all of this. For telling her family, which resulted her in getting help, but then slipping back into her old ways. I don't know. But what I do know is that I can't forever be angry. I can't keep dwelling on all the fucked up shit she did to me.

I just need to keep on living.

Snapping back to reality, I took notice of her father, and that his sorrow looked genuine. From what she had told me about her relationship with him, her mother hadn't really allowed him to help out with her or any of her siblings when they needed him. Her mother had decided to take charge of all of that, and he had just been a body of sorts. His eyes looked hollow, haunted. I think seeing his youngest child dead might have been the wakeup call that he needed in order to finally put his foot down and stand up to her mother, even though it was many years too late.

I couldn't look behind me without it being completely obvious that not only I wasn't paying attention but I didn't want to come face to face with who, or who didn't, come that we had both known.

"Despite the many things accomplished during her life on earth, there is always a tragedy of a life cut short: the things she missed out on. The things she will never know," I heard the pastor say.

I bit my lip in order not to burst out into laughter. What the fuck would that be, marriage and motherhood? She had spent years pushing her family away, pushing her friends away. She never wanted to get married. She made that very clear to everyone. And she made it clear that she never, ever, wanted to reproduce because she didn't want to give her child any of the mental illness that seemed to run throughout her entire family. No, her life goal was to run as far away from her past as she possibly could.

My shoulders still heaved in silent laughter and I noticed that the pastor had given a quick pause to see what was going on. After disregarding my inappropriate behavior, he seemed to regain his composure to finish the eulogy with a reminder that she would have a blessed eternal life in the arms of our Lord and Jesus Christ.

Finally, the pastor gave the benediction after what felt like forever, and told the congregation to "go in peace and be one with God." The organist banged out the chorus to a hymn I didn't seem to recognize off of the top of my head, and Gaara slipped past me in order to get out of there as quickly as he possibly could.

I am genuinely surprised that he made in through the entire service.

Standing up, I realized that all eyes were on me. What were they expecting me to do? Were they expecting me to be the grieving friend to someone who they didn't know treated me like absolute shit? Were they expecting to see me break down in my brothers' arms? They were all giving me looks of pity because I didn't have the supposed "required date" to my friend's funeral. Ino and Hinata both had asked me if I had wanted them to accompany me since my boyfriend had been unable to, but I told the both of them that it was something that I felt that I needed to do alone with Gaara. Plus I didn't want to make the two of them uncomfortable at a funeral for a girl they barely knew.

Walking over to the coffin to say my final goodbyes, I feel as though she looked unrecognizable. She looked entirely different from the last time I had seen her. But I didn't know if that was only because this is how she had looked now, or if she looked like this because she was dead.

I turned on my heel and tried to get as far away from her and her family as fast as I could, unable to handle being here any longer. I began to quickly walk towards the back of the church to the doors to get the fresh air that I needed. A hand reached out and grabbed my arm as I reached the back pew, pulling me towards the unknown person. I spun around to see who had the audacity to try to talk to me, but it was those onyx eyes that gave him away.

"Sasuke," I gasped.

"You look like you need to get out of here."

My eyes widened as I couldn't find the words to say to him. He reached out to grab my hand to lead me away from the people who had been trying to make their way over to me to find out what had truly happened to her. We made our way down the large descent of stairs over to his shitty Civic, which I was surprised I didn't see within the mass of black and grey cars since its bright neon blue color stuck out like a sore thumb. I noticed that my Sonata was parked only a couple of cars over from his, which just goes to show where my head is if I didn't even notice that when I pulled in. I had made the excuse to Gaara and whatever his friends name was that I had wanted to drive myself, that way they could be together and I could have the time to myself to process my own thoughts without the commotion of the two of them around me.

But now, curiosity was getting the best of me about what he was doing here after he had told me that not only was he unable to attend, but he didn't feel right attending.

"Where to?" he asked, climbing into the driver's seat and putting the AC on.

One of those days I'm thankful for the fact that he has cloth seats.

I shrugged. "Anywhere. Anywhere but here. Please. Let's just go. I need to get out of here."

He slipped his hand into mine. "Whatever you say. Let's go for a drink, alright?"

Well, at least it was after twelve, so this won't be socially looked down upon.

Normally he'd pop open a bottle earlier if he had the chance if I was as depressed as I am currently. Any excuse for him to drown his own sorrows in the bottle. I shook my head at the thought of it. Now's not the time to think about him and his issues. For once I just didn't want to feel anything, at least for a moment.

I could tell that Sasuke was driving us to one of those chain restaurants that he knew I loved to go to even though it was out of the way. I stared out the window, not really wanting to say anything to him or even say anything at all. He ran his thumb up and down between my thumb and my pointer finger, much like I had done with Gaara. I made a mental note to myself that clearly this is where I had picked up the weird habit from. The only noise came from the radio, which he had put on one of the rare stations he and I could actually agree upon where we didn't want to kill each other or where one of us didn't slam the radio off.

I suppose that would be the downfall of having completely two totally different tastes in music.

Arriving at the restaurant, I heard him let out a sigh as he reached into his backseat to grab a hoodie. Giving me a look, he reached down in front of me to grab my messenger bag as I gave him a look of confusion.

"Are you coming or not?" he asked as he climbed out of the car.

I opened the passenger door in silence as I proceeded to climb out of the car. Looking up I saw him standing there with his hand outstretched as I place my own in his. I gave him a half smile as we made our way inside.

The hostess led us to a table in the back, away from everyone. I could only assume she could smell the scent of death on despair on me and wanted to get the disheveled looking person that I am away from the rest of society. The lights were surprisingly low despite the fact that it was only lunch hour, and our table had a single candle flickering on it. He handed me my messenger bag and his hoodie as I sat down. I placed the bag on the booth next to me and wrapped myself up in his hoodie; the warmth and the scent of him bringing a slight smile to my face that I didn't even think was possible.

The reality of the situation was slowly starting to hit me.

She was gone. Forever.

And here I was, sitting at a table with my boyfriend who hadn't really said more than a few words to me since he randomly showed up and whisked me away, once again avoiding my feelings.

Running away I knew was not an option anymore. I also know that Sasuke wouldn't allow me to just avoid speaking to him and hide underneath my mounds of blankets for a few days while I tried to process things in my own way. No one would. I could almost guarantee that someone would barge straight into my room, rip everything off of me, and force me to talk to them.

Talking. The last thing that I really wanted to do with anyone right now.

Yet here I am, waiting for Sasuke to explain his sudden appearance. But he still remained silent as I directed my eyes back down to my menu so he wouldn't feel me staring at him like the socially awkward person that I am.

"Since your stomach is probably being weird, I would say for you to get the chicken to play it safe."

I looked up at Sasuke, who was avoiding my gaze. "Excuse you? Are you fucking serious? You should up at my friends funeral completely out of left field and the first thing you have to say to me all day is that I should order the fucking chicken? Whatever happened to going to the damn bar."

"Sakura," he began. "You're being a little irrational right now."

"I'm being irrational? Irrational! Then what the fuck is this? Why the fuck have we been sitting here in complete silence? Why haven't you said two goddamn words to me since we left the chapel? I thought you said you couldn't even fucking go."

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that our waiter had been trying to approach us, but was stopped in his tracks due to my outburst.

"We're ready to order," I said probably a little too loudly. He tiptoed over and gave me a look as though I was a ticking time bomb, even though he was correct with his assumption. "I'll have the chicken alfredo. Extra sauce, extra cheese."

"I'll take the steak," he said finally. "Medium. Loaded baked potato and broccoli."

"Any drinks for the table?"

I hadn't even thought to take a look at the drink menu.

"Being us a bottle of the best red white you have, please." Sasuke said calmly.

The waiter strolled off as I shot Sasuke a look. "Really? I'm surprised you're actually being so tame right now with your alcohol choice."

He laughed. "You can get shitfaced if you want. Drown out your feelings. I drove us here, and someone needs to be able to drive us back."

"And my car?"

"Ino has your extra set of keys. It's already back at your place."

"I see you've thought this out."

The waiter walked back over to our secluded table to awkwardly place a warm basket of bread on it, as well as two rather large wine glasses. He hastily uncorked the bottle and walked away without pouring either of us a glass.

Guess he realized that I wasn't in the mood for any type of random bullshit.

Sasuke took a piece of bread and busied himself with the butter. I poured myself a rather full glass and looked him dead in the face.

"So, do you want to explain what the fuck you were doing there?"

"You needed me," he answered calmly. "You needed someone to be there for you. Someone to pull you out of your own head when you started to lose yourself. You needed the support yourself. You were being the rock for your brother, but I know you needed a shoulder to cry on as well."

"Sasuke, you were a sneak about it. You went and sat all the way in the back of the chapel where I couldn't notice you even if I tried."

"It wasn't like I could have just popped up next to you and yelled, 'Surprise! Here I am!' It's not that easy, nor was it the time or place to cause an unneeded scene."

"You didn't even really know her." I said quietly.

"I knew of her through you. She was a big part of your life."

"You never interacted with her. You didn't even like her."

"She treated you like shit, Sakura. And if you don't remember, she almost killed you a couple times."

Just goes to show that this kid actually does pay more attention to me when I talk to him than I thought he did.

"I don't think that matters now," I chose my words carefully. "Because I'm still here, and she isn't. I survived."

"Yeah, well…" He nervously tapped his fingers on his thigh. "I don't think this is about survival, Sakura."

"Then what is it about?"

Sasuke frowned. "What are you feeling right now? What's going through your head? You seem angry. Why are you angry."

I snorted. "Oh hell no. We are not playing lets psychoanalyze Sakura and see what level of fucked up her brain is at right now. We are not doing this. We are not talking about how I'm feeling right now. Right now I just want to eat my fucking food whenever it gets to the damn table, and then I want to go home and crawl into my bed and not have to deal with the world for a little while. Is that so much to ask? Is it so much to ask that I honestly don't want to talk about this?"

"I'm not trying to turn this into a psychology lesson," he pleaded. "I just..you forget that I know exactly what it's like to feel guilty after someone you have cared about dies."

Ah yes, how could I forget. I could never forget that.

I picked up my glass and threw him a look. "I don't think that we should continue to sit here and talk about all of the death we've experienced within our lives. Didn't you take me out to get a drink?"

"Isn't that what we're doing?" he asked as he poured himself a glass.

I raised my glass. "Exactly. A toast to misery. One of life's more stupid of things that it decided to create and inflict on everyone."

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Reviews are welcome!

Bunny.


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